oh, so much to write about. I thought I would neglect this blog for a few months while I updated on my 3 Day blog, but that blog doesn't lend itself to me bitching and whining (after all, I'm trying to get people to donate to me over there), which makes that blog not so much of a release.
The past month has been maybe the hardest month of my entire life. On Tuesday I took my final for Civ Pro. It was awful - confusing, lengthy, ridiculously hard - and when I left it I was nearly in tears over the fact that I truly felt (and still feel) that there was no way I could possibly come out with anything better than a C in that class. I had only barely quit reeling from this when Mom called to inform me that Grandmama had passed away.
My grandmother has truly been one of my best friends since I was a child. Being the first grandchild, we had a special bond that I will never have with anyone else. It was a bond that can never exist in any other relationship but that of a granddaughter and a grandmother. I still don't think it has sunk in for me how hard it is going to be to never have another day with her. I didn't really even get to properly say goodbye, which makes closure that much harder.
I spent approximately 24 hours in Rock Hill for her funeral before I had to come back to Charleston and buckle down to prepare for my Contracts exam. I spent a long day in the library today, but worse than ever I'm struggling with horrible bouts of apathy and indifference.
Law school robbed me of proper time to spend grieving Papa's death in September. It robbed me even more harshly with Grandmama's death. I'm so fortunate to even be given this opportunity, but driving back to Charleston today I started seriously weighing my options on how bad it would be if I quit. I feel like I'm losing myself into something I don't even enjoy. At almost 27 years old, I'm still struggling with who I am and what I want.
Now more than ever is when I'm thankful for the solid foundation of wonderful friends I have to help me get through these times. I truly would never have made it this far without them.
