This week has been intense. We're prepping for trial at work and at least two evenings this week I've been at the office until 7:00. This, actually, really is not that bad because I absolutely love my job and I think it's pretty exciting to sit around a strategize over trial plans, etc. Also, there is usually an accompaniment of wine, so that helps. But, this whole endeavor is also somewhat lending itself to a real conundrum for me, which is this: (and I know I am blogging this to death) Do I really want to go to law school??
When I came downstairs this morning I found my mail on the table where my mom had put it yesterday. On top was a letter from USC. Recalling memories from high school, I know that a small, generally light-weighted envelope is always bad when applying to schools because that usually means it's a denial. That maxim still holds true. I got denied. But I'm not upset AT ALL, and that sort of worries me. I'm about to embark (if I get into any of the other schools I applied to) on a 3 year endeavor that I can't truthfully validate to myself. Let's hypotheticalize this situation for a minute: ( I have no idea if "hypotheticalize" is a word, but I like it so I'm leaving it.) Say I get into Charleston Law. Cool; I'm finally making my dad happy by going to law school. I'm spending $33,000 of his money a year for 3 years for ONLY tuition. Let's put my rent at $900 a month. Not counting books, meals, general life expenses, that's close to $45,000 a year for a something I'm not altogether sure about. This is scary to me.
Second to that, I'll be leaving my job. This is the height of my concern at this point. I don't want to leave. Correction: I want to leave Spartanburg, my mom's house, etc. but I don't want to leave my job, but I'm not sure the option to stay is on the table either.
This very well could all be an extremely moot point, because I may not get into law school at all. During my interview last week, the dean informed me that applications are up 40% this year because of so many people losing their jobs and deciding to go back to school. This does not bode well for someone who's application file has been deemed "vanilla" by the admissions committee because basically everything is "average" when compared to all the other applicant's files.
I'm stuck. My head is at capacity on thoughts and worries. I just don't know...
P.S. I swear my posts are going to get less self-indulgent soon.
