I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for; but I also some things in my life that seem to be causing me to have panic attacks and gastrointestinal issues. The following being the main contributers:
1) My living situation.
I still live at home with my mother because contribution #2, my job, does not pay
me enough to be able to afford to live by myself and still manage to pay for other
basic life necessities like food and gas. Therefore, I spend a lot of time
attempting to get out of my house, which in turn offends my mother leading to
frequent fights, etc.
2) My job.
Now, this is a difficult one because I actually love my job. I love the work that
I do, I love being in the legal profession, I love my co-workers (mostly), but
the fact that I work for my dad seems to lend itself to me getting paid only
slightly above minimum wage, drawing me back to the vicious cycle of being stuck
in Consternation #1 indefinitely (or until I get into school)
3) Law School.
I made the decision to apply to law school, obviously under the stipulation that
should I get in, I'll go. Therefore, I've planned my next few months accordingly
thinking that come August I'll be leaving for some sort of schooling situation.
But, here's the thing. Even though I desperately want to get out of my mom's
house, and really do want to practice law (I think...), I'm not sure I'm really
ready to leave my niche I've found here. I'm the type of person that has to have
my close friends close, and it is definitely going to be an adjustment for me
to not have my support system close by. On the flip side of that, it scares me
to no end to not have a plan past August if I don't get into law school. I
don't really think staying in my current job is an option, and let's be honest,
the job market isn't really booming right now, so there's another hurdle.
4) Spartanburg.
Minus my wonderful friends, Spartanburg sucks. There is no one to meet here for
potential relationship purposes and very little other entertainment to offer. If
I was already in a relationship, I probably wouldn't worry so much about living
here, but staying here pretty much destines me to be an old lady with a lot of
cats. Not something I originally set out to be...
All that being said, I am aware that I probably now sound like whiny, spoiled, completely contradictory baby. I am aware everyone has their difficulties in life and I'm more than willing to put up with mine, but sometimes they seem to all pile on my brain at the same time, leaving me feeling the need to be hooked up to a Lithium drip. I also felt the need today to share my consternations with everyone, which I'm sure everyone is so happy about.
