I have some sort of innate malfunction that causes me to frequently feel that my plights are worse than anyone else's, and thus, feel sorry for myself entirely too frequently.
This subsided somewhat over the last few years because I had very little to complain about (minus the fact that I wanted to live alone), but going to back to school and endeavoring on a difficult journey has caused me to fall back to my old ways.
I'm not proud of this fact but I know it's true, and what's worse is that once I fall back into the self-pitying mode, it seems that I have a hard time drawing myself out. I know this is exhausting and annoying to my friends who have to suffer through my constant complaints, but thank god I'm lucky enough to have a VERY tolerant sounding board.
Today I was driving down Cannon Street, on the way to the library, and in deep thought about how much law school blows, how I can't handle all of this stress and how much I want to be anywhere else. I stopped at a red light at the height of my self-effacing misery when I saw a clearly homeless elderly lady attempting to cross Cannon down St. Philip Street, undoubtedly on her way to the Soup Kitchen that is on St. Philip. She was haggard, bent over, dirty and above anything else, pitiful, but she waved and smiled to the cars that let her pass.
She basically has nothing better in life to look forward to than getting a free meal and she still was able to "thank" the cars for letting her pass; she was grateful for the smallest gift. I felt selfish, ridiculous and unworthy completely after that.
Life has treated me better than I ever could have hoped for, and yet, I still complain... the machinations of a spoiled child.
It may take awhile, but I don't want to be the person who always complains about life. I appreciate all that I have been given, but rarely do I show it adequately. Stress affects us all, and obviously I need to learn to deal with mine more accordingly!
